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Why should you go with MoGo? I am your ordinary mom,next door neighbor,co-worker, subway buddy, blogger friend. Join me as I share my tips and feedback on an ordinary life in these extraordinary times.I can be your voice or the trigger that makes you find your own voice. Come join me and find out. What are you waiting for? Let's go!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Let's Go Remember Daddy

There's a hole in my heart that I can't fill. I've had my many cries and periods of sadness and still the pain is there. You see, my daddy passed away almost a month ago and I will never be the same. (It has been 2 years since this post came out).

The last time I saw him was in December 2010 when my family made a special trip just to visit him in his pastoral community. It was a real eye opener as I saw my father happily living in very squalid surroundings, with children chanting his name as he walked past, and seeing him take the time to talk and play with them. To them, he was their pastor, grandfather/father, a person they could easily approach for help.

I have many memories of my daddy, happy ones, some painful ones. When I was still a young child, I remember being made to recite a poem in Spanish to guests and visitors even if I didn't want to. I remember trips to the barber and coming home with a bottle of Horlicks to share with my sisters. Once when it was my birthday, he bought me a chocolate cake because I did not like the butter cake that he first got for me. But there was also another birthday when he apologized to me because we couldn't afford to celebrate. He would always go to work very early that we would be one of the first students dropped off at school. When he was home on weekends, he would turn on the tv and the radio at the same time, then go to sleep. If you turned them off he would wake up. I did not like his temper but it was part of who he was. I knew when he called me Ramona that I was in big trouble! But he would also call me to sit beside him while he watched tv and ask, "Who does daddy love?" And I would dutifully answer,"Me."

When I was looking for my first job, he drove me to the office a day before my interview to make sure that it was a safe place and so that I would not get lost. He would drive me to work and taught me to respect and give importance to the little people. When I had started my own family, he would come and visit his granddaughters with little treats. Our communication lessened after I migrated from my homeland but always had news from and about him through my sister.

He had many jobs but he always told me he was a salesman at heart. Who would have known that he found the greatest joy in "selling" the word of God? "God is the best boss of all, he said. So I guess, I shouldn't have been surprised that he found his happiness at last. He was always generous and wanted to share with others. He had told me on my last visit that whatever he had belonged to his church. Whatever I gave him became theirs as well.

Thank you Daddy for all that you have done for me. I am not a famous person nor a big boss of some company but because of you, I have a good education and believe I can be what I want to be. Because of you I work hard and do my job honestly. Because of you I always try to be humble and appreciate other people's worth. Because of you I will try to be more selfless and caring.

I stand corrected. I do not have a hole in my heart. I have a special place in my heart reserved just for my daddy and it is heavy because it is full of the many memories of him that I will always treasure. I love you Daddy, I am proud to be your daughter.