Let's Go Remember Daddy

There's a hole in my heart that I can't fill. I've had my many cries and periods of sadness and still the pain is there. You see, my daddy passed away almost a month ago and I will never be the same. (It has been 2 years since this post came out).

The last time I saw him was in December 2010 when my family made a special trip just to visit him in his pastoral community. It was a real eye opener as I saw my father happily living in very squalid surroundings, with children chanting his name as he walked past, and seeing him take the time to talk and play with them. To them, he was their pastor, grandfather/father, a person they could easily approach for help.

I have many memories of my daddy, happy ones, some painful ones. When I was still a young child, I remember being made to recite a poem in Spanish to guests and visitors even if I didn't want to. I remember trips to the barber and coming home with a bottle of Horlicks to share with my sisters. Once when it was my birthday, he bought me a chocolate cake because I did not like the butter cake that he first got for me. But there was also another birthday when he apologized to me because we couldn't afford to celebrate. He would always go to work very early that we would be one of the first students dropped off at school. When he was home on weekends, he would turn on the tv and the radio at the same time, then go to sleep. If you turned them off he would wake up. I did not like his temper but it was part of who he was. I knew when he called me Ramona that I was in big trouble! But he would also call me to sit beside him while he watched tv and ask, "Who does daddy love?" And I would dutifully answer,"Me."

When I was looking for my first job, he drove me to the office a day before my interview to make sure that it was a safe place and so that I would not get lost. He would drive me to work and taught me to respect and give importance to the little people. When I had started my own family, he would come and visit his granddaughters with little treats. Our communication lessened after I migrated from my homeland but always had news from and about him through my sister.

He had many jobs but he always told me he was a salesman at heart. Who would have known that he found the greatest joy in "selling" the word of God? "God is the best boss of all, he said. So I guess, I shouldn't have been surprised that he found his happiness at last. He was always generous and wanted to share with others. He had told me on my last visit that whatever he had belonged to his church. Whatever I gave him became theirs as well.

Thank you Daddy for all that you have done for me. I am not a famous person nor a big boss of some company but because of you, I have a good education and believe I can be what I want to be. Because of you I work hard and do my job honestly. Because of you I always try to be humble and appreciate other people's worth. Because of you I will try to be more selfless and caring.

I stand corrected. I do not have a hole in my heart. I have a special place in my heart reserved just for my daddy and it is heavy because it is full of the many memories of him that I will always treasure. I love you Daddy, I am proud to be your daughter.

Let's Go Start A New Job!

March is here and I am beginning the countdown to spring and a new job. Yes, finally I have found the perfect fit for my skills and interests and I am really looking forward to my new job downtown. In it, I will be able to use my knowledge and  experience but also have an opportunity to learn new things and meet new people.

The search is over. No more job fairs to attend and resumes to send out. No more waiting for the e-mail or phone call to snag the interview. Frowns over rejections have turned into pleased smiles. I had forgotten the feeling of starting on a new endeavor, like a new school year for students or a  new business venture for an entrepreneur. You get an adrenalin shot that makes you feel giddy, excited, a little bit nervous, but definitely happy. Synonymous with spring, starting a new job gives you the sense of starting off fresh and anticipating new experiences.


In preparation for this job, I have tried to learn more about the company I will be joining and internalize their motto. After all, I am now part of their team. I think this will help me to understand my role in the whole scheme of things. I also spent some time brushing up on the technical skills that may have gone rusty. It is fortunate that I was able to volunteer in the past months and avoid turning my brain into mush.

The best part about preparing for the new job is creating and updating my wardrobe. Hurray, I have a very good reason to go shopping! This has also given me the kick to get rid of clothes I have been keeping around for a long time. Now is the time to be ruthless and get rid of it if it hasn't been used in ages. Shopping for the "look" I want to project is a mini project in itself. Finding the right clothes, hunting for the shoes that fit, making repairs and alterations, all these have been keeping me busy. 

A new job is a great excuse to go shopping!

In retrospect, I will miss my quiet mornings at home with little interruptions. I could read my book, write down my thoughts, watch my TV shows, eat when I wanted and enjoy the peace and silence. The hiatus from work did me good. It re-focused my goals, gave me time to try things I was always too busy for and made me know myself. Now, I am ready to get back in the hustle and bustle of things. In a few more weeks, I will rejoin the ranks of the employed, with a spring in my step and a smile on my lips!

Let's Go Be a Dragon!

According to the Chinese calendar, 2012 is the Year of the Black Water Dragon and luckily I was also born in the Year of the Dragon. So generally, this year should be a good year, specially for me and all other fellow dragons. Now is the time to take advantage of this good fortune.


So like this divine beast of the east,we should harness all the good dragon characteristics and channel them into something good and useful. Good fortune for me is not only the financial aspect but also good health, love and life. Passion is one thing I know I have once I am doing something I like. I will most certainly throw my heart and soul in to a project or activity and make it a masterpiece. No half-baked job will do!What I sometimes forget is that not everyone thinks the way I do and I must control my short-temper. Time for me to target the many projects on the back burner so I can complete them successfully.

Bravery is an admirable trait we should develop further. I know that I can always dig down deep and face the challenges that are before me.We'll never know unless we give it a try. Time to take bigger risks and enjoy that rush of adrenalin. I need me a nice juicy challenge to sink my teeth into and bring out the warrior in me, ROAR! As my high school batch motto says, "Dare to Be Different!"

And this leads be to another dragon trait which is being innovative. When creativity calls, I have to answer with a "yes". Be it baking a cake, sewing a scarf or decorating a room, I tend to drop everything and follow my heart. This gives me a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.

To some, the quest to be perfect, bold and unique may be daunting tasks but to a dragon like me, it is a thrilling challenge to pursue and conquer. Long live the Dragon!